


Would You?

by pencilguin



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Dead Endless - Dave Galanter, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, very mild M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:00:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22576924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: [spoilers for S2 and DE]An ordinary evening conversation between Paul and Hugh takes an unexpected turn, forcing Hugh to confront some of his memories from inside the mycelial network.(Please read the content notes.)
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	Would You?

**Author's Note:**

> Note #1 - spoilers: Please be aware that this contains spoilers for the Discovery novel "Dead Endless" by Dave Galanter, including for the ending. If you like Culmets or just Disco in general, I highly recommend reading the book, because it's amazing! And I'd hate to be the one who spoils it for you. 
> 
> Note #2 - regarding the rating: They talk about sex, but there are no details. Just to be on the safe side.  
(Also, both of their opinions on the matter discussed at the beginning were inspired by a Tumblr post from ages ago, which I haven't been able to find again for the life of me.) 
> 
> This is unbeta'd, but I hope it's not too bad.  
The original idea was just the silly beginning. Then all that angst crept in. Now it's ... whatever this is.

“Of course,” Paul closes, “the moral and ethical concerns that human cloning would raise can’t be taken lightly. And you’re right, too, what with it being too closely related to eugenics and all…” He averts his eyes sheepishly, and Hugh knows he’s thinking of his own stunt with tardigrade DNA. They’ve argued about this at length already, though, ever since it happened, and Paul looks sufficiently guilty at the moment, so Hugh doesn’t want to start again. Right now he’s feeling too cozy curled up across from Paul on the couch in their quarters, enjoying the mental stimulation of one of their deep, if slightly random, conversations — one of the million things he missed during their break-up. He doubts that he will ever get tired of witnessing Paul’s brilliant mind at work.

“But obviously the important question here is: If a clone of yourself existed, would you fuck your clone?”

Hugh blinks.

“_What?_”

_Or maybe sometimes not so brilliant._

“You know, I’d want to watch if you did,” Paul says with a shrug.

“No, I wouldn’t!” Hugh responds, shaking his head in disbelief. “That would be incredibly awkward.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. I don’t know, I can’t imagine…” His voice trails off, his mind still trying to make sense of Paul’s unexpected suggestion.

“I would,” Paul remarks, seemingly getting lost in thought.

“What, your clone or mine?” Hugh asks, slightly confused.

“Well, I was thinking mine, but…”

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely!”

“_Why?_”

“Because I’m curious!” Paul has started gesturing with his hands again to emphasize his point. “I’m a scientist! … Although there’s a high chance I’d find him insufferable as a person.”

“Unbelievable…” Hugh mutters, shaking his head, but he can’t help chuckling at the absurd turn their conversation has taken. He rubs his fingers against his forehead to clear his mind. “To follow up on your suspicious clarification,” he continues. “Are you saying you would also fuck _my_ clone, then?”

Paul chews his lower lip, as if he’s analyzing how best to solve a mathematical problem, before he responds. “Hypothetically speaking, if I did, would that count as cheating?”

Hugh raises an eyebrow. “If I say ‘no’, then your answer will be ‘yes’, I take it?” Paul blushes slightly, but he also grins. “All right. Let’s say, for this entirely hypothetical thought experiment, that between our clones, no intimate contact is considered us cheating on each other. Would you do it?”

Paul appears to think about it for a moment before settling on a final decision. “Probably, yes.”

“Oh.” If he’s being honest, Hugh isn’t sure how he feels about that.

“I mean,” Paul begins to explain, “I know he wouldn’t be _you_, of course. So it’s not the same as _us_. But he’d still be _a_ Hugh Culber, right? He’d still be some version of you, and deserving of love and appreciation. So, you know, I’d probably want to take care of him and make sure that he’s happy, if he doesn’t have his own Paul or — or someone else to look after him.”

Hugh stares at him, processing his words and trying to make sense of the emotions they’ve stirred up inside of him. He still can’t quite parse them, and Paul’s hesitation at the suggestion that another Hugh might love someone else instead of him isn’t lost on him. But the initial offense is gradually giving way to something warmer.

Paul pauses again to think, leaning back and staring at the ceiling as he does so, before he adds, “Unless he’s evil. I don’t wanna fuck your evil clone. That would be disturbing.”

Taken aback by the sudden change of tracks, all Hugh can say is, “Yeah… definitely not.”

“So?” Paul leans forward again to face him. “What about you? Would you fuck my clone?”

Hugh freezes.

The question that Paul has just asked him so innocuously hits a little too close to home. Once, a lifetime ago, or so it feels, in the unfathomable infinity of the mycelial network, he nearly had the chance to… That wasn’t about sex, of course. It was about joining another Paul in his own universe, abandoning any hopes of ever meeting this one again — _his_ Paul, the only one in all the universes that is perfectly right for this version of him. And he would have done it, if only the world had been so kind.

He feels a sudden wave of hot guilt wash over him now; shame for the things he once thought and felt about the other Paul as he compared him to this one; regret for the choice he made back then, despite the fact that it was taken from him by a higher power in the end. Now, he couldn’t thank the world enough. He returned from the Enterprise to join Paul and the Discovery on their journey into the future because he’d vowed to himself never to _not_ choose Paul again.

Paul’s still watching him with his big, curious blue eyes, probably wondering why Hugh is taking so long to contemplate such a seemingly simple, silly question. What should he do? What should he say?

He remembers Paul’s speech from moments ago and manages a little smile, even if it feels like deflecting, for now.

“You know, after what you just said, I’d feel kind of bad for your clone if I said ‘no’.”

A suspicious grin spreads across Paul’s face. “What if both of us tried to seduce you together?”

Hugh blushes furiously.

“Now that’s an idea I’d have no trouble getting behind.”

Paul worms out of the blanket cocoon he’s made himself comfortable in and crawls over to Hugh for a slow, passionate kiss.

When their lips part, Hugh feels a little more grounded again, holding on to Paul. “Two of you would be the death of me, for more than one reason.”

Paul grins again. “Then I propose we continue this thought experiment first, for further analysis in a controlled environment.”

A few more-than-just-thought experiments later, they settle down in bed. Paul is reading a work report on his PADD before sleep, but tonight Hugh doesn’t scold him for it, because it gives him the space to ponder over their earlier conversation.

Even after his return, and them getting back together after their — painful, but probably needed — break-up, he has barely talked to Paul about his time in the network, certainly not in detail. At first, it was all still kind of a haze in his mind, even more so combined with the confusion and alienation of having a new body to get accustomed to. But similar to the clearings in the mycelial plane, as he settled into this universe’s reality, his memories started to come back with increasing clarity.

Those memories of his experiences in the network were part of the reason why it was so hard for him to take a step towards Paul again for so long, even after his anger and confusion had subsided. Feeling like Paul deserved someone better than him, someone who was able to give him more than Hugh could. They’ve finally started to reconcile, and made their steps back towards each other. But still, the secret of Hugh’s past in the network hangs between them, heavy and looming, and Hugh feels like he’s being crushed by its weight, and Paul still has no idea.

He sighs quietly, trying not to get noticed by Paul, who’s still immersed in his report next to him. Hugh decides to watch him for a while as his mind keeps weaving the threads of his thoughts.

Again, he thinks about what Paul said earlier. _I know he wouldn’t be_ you_. But I’d probably want to take care of him and make sure that he’s happy._ He wants to believe that Paul would understand. But he’s still scared, so scared. He knows Paul’s hypothetical motivations were much nobler than his. Hugh had just been lonely and selfish.

It’s not just the fear that Paul wouldn’t understand it. Even more, he fears that Paul will be deeply hurt, but will swallow down his pain and stay with Hugh anyway, because he can’t bear losing him again, can’t bear ever again losing anyone else. What Hugh truly fears, deep down, is that he no longer deserves Paul.

He’s gotten so lost in thought that it startles him when, with a yawn, Paul turns off his PADD and puts it on the nightstand. He seeks Hugh’s eyes and fixes him with a curious smile.

“Do you wanna tell me what you’ve been ruminating on all evening?”

A soft smile blossoms on Hugh’s face, despite everything. “You know me too well. I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”

“You can, if you want.” Paul’s hand finds his, intertwining their fingers. “But I’m not afraid of the skeletons in your closet.” He raises their entwined hands to his lips and kisses the back of Hugh’s, who sighs softly. But it’s not with exasperation, or defeat, but with relief.

“Paul?”

“Mhm?”

“There’s something I need to tell you. Something painful.”

Blue eyes rest on his, and Paul’s other hand reaches out for his arm, warm and comforting.

“I’m here. I’m listening.”

Seeing the openness in Paul’s face gives him the confidence to finally face his fears. He takes a deep breath and smiles. He won’t be alone. _Wherever we go from here, we go together._

**Author's Note:**

> (This work and its author neither condemn nor endorse sexual actions with clones, whether they're yours or someone else's. Regardless, always remember that consent is everything.) 
> 
> As always, thank you so much to everyone who leaves lovely and supportive comments on my fics! Even if I usually don't know how to adequately respond to them, please be assured that they make me super happy and brighten my day! <3 
> 
> Also, just a gentle reminder: Read "Dead Endless"! It's really, _really_ good! <3


End file.
